POSTMAN
So far my dieting resolutions for 2020 have worked out
about as well as 2019. Probably I will not have
to rush out and buy new skinny jeans anytime soon.
I think its a balancing issue. See, I have been
trying to eat more salad, I really have. But then
I fall over, and my salad lands in the garbage and
it gets all this pizza on it. So my salad is all
covered with pizza. Yeah, that's it. Well ok,
I told my trainer that too, and he did not believe it
either.
ENJOY THE JOKES
Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put
up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this
was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.Joe wrote, "The office workers
should all be given raises!"When he looked at Frank's card, it said "Can we all
have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and
new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra
three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patricks Day, and Columbus
Day and Martin Luther Kings Birthday?"Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of
getting things changed around here. You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it."
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury
acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the
hearing."Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested
for?""Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he
went and took the car I stole.
A teacher says to her class one day,
"Whoever answers my next question, can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
A traffic cop sees a car zooming past with 12 penguins in the back seat.
He pulls the car over.
"What do you plan to do with these penguins?" the officer asks.
"I don't know," the driver replies.
"I suggest you take them to the zoo right now," the officer said.
"I'll do that right now," the driver replied.
But the next day, same place, same time, the officer sees the same car
zoom past with 12 penguins in the back seat. He pulls the vehicle over and yells,
"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!"
The driver, confused, stumbles back,
"I... I... I did officer... and today we're going to the movies!"
