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THE POSTMAN So the war dept was gone for the day ...omg. I really did think I was going to starve! I would not say that I am exceptionally blessed with culinary skills. Definitely NOT my strong point in life. So her note says. "There is cold pizza in the fridge. Already cooked. Just warm it up..." Enjoy the jokes! Jack was always insisting to his wife that women talk much more than men. In order to prove his point, he showed her a study which indicated that, on average, men use approximately 1300 words per day as opposed to women, who use approximately 2600. His wife thought about all of this for a moment and then replied, "That's very easy to explain. Women have to use twice as many words as men because women have to repeat everything they say." A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning. "Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right. After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her. Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant. "We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me." "Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair off of his butt. He won't even wake up." So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure enough, she's right. Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his butt. So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed. After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side. Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my butthole as your scoreboard?" A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous." Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does." The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft." The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?" She frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box." Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." She loo
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THE POSTMAN
welcome to: THE POSTMAN! You know, it is funny. After you are married, for so many years, a lot of people say that their perception of their spouse changes over time? Has your wife's opinion of you changed? Or is it different? Not my wife tho. I mean its like this, I walk by and you know what she says? "What an ass." Same thing she used to say when I was 22! Wow. guess that means I am still as sexy as I was in my 20s, right? Enjoy the jokes! http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0021.jpg ________________________________ There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle. One day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved dog had run away. She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog. Nobody had seen him that night, but the next morning she met a little boy who said that he had seen a stray dog. The dog he described matched hers exactly. Upon finding out this information she asked the young boy, "Have you seen my Titswiggle?" Then the boy said, "No, but can that be my reward?" What did the blonde do when she broke her Tupperware? Called the plastic surgeon. http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0022.jpg http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0023.jpg A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6'tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale." A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," a boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. Why do you want a little brother"? "Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on my dog." http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0024.jpg ONT THE WEB the dog http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0011.html all I'm saying http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0012.html a little fun http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0013.html ain't no sunshine http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0014.html the billboard http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0015.html http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0025.jpg kinky http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0016.html texting http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0017.html you're really hot http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0018.html a hangover http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0019.html plumbing school http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0020.html
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THE POSTMAN So I am sitting there at the breakfast table this morning. As typical, I am sipping my coffee watching the war department as she munches her toast. She is informing me of all the places we have to go today. Apparently we have a ton of errands that need to be done. I let her ramble on for a few minutes. (its funny, I notice she rambles a lot more than she used to compared to 40 something years ago when we first met.)I interrupted her after a few minutes. "Look, at it snowing outside...." It is now late after noon. She is snoozing on the couch and so far today? we have not left the nouse :) Enjoy the jokes A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July." There was a husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog for a nice long walk each evening. It was good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the dog became so used to the routine that it positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night. When her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out instead. To her surprise the dog pulled vigorously at the leash and led her around the block to a house around the corner and began to scratch at the door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute, darling." Soon, the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog dashed in straight to a dish of meat that was waiting for him -- obviously as usual. if women are bad http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0301.html a family saying the blessing http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0302.html the old west http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0303.html salad http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0304.html leave it http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0305.html things you don't see everyday http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0306.html the doctor said http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0307.html whats the difference http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0308.html slow down http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0309.html husband pissed me off http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0310.html Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors. One day, they heard, "Yellow, blue, black." One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible. The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black." Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished. One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." After saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments. Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. They peeked at the bird. At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on. Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
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corrected links for the postman
if women are bad http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0301.html a family saying the blessing http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0302.html the old west http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0303.html salad http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0304.html leave it http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0305.html things you don't see everyday http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0306.html the doctor said http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0307.html whats the difference http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0308.html slow down http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0309.html husband pissed me off http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0310.html
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THE POSTMAN
THE POSTMAN So, we are all caught up on sleep, right? We had that extra hour this weekend? Well that's ok, I don't feel rested either. I remember that one of my childhood goals was to be an adult...that way I would not have to take naps! These days? One of the most boggling contemplations about life for me? How much time must pass in the morning when you wake up until it is now time to lay down for a nap? Or, do I really have to wait till afternoon for a nap? Another question I often consider, are pants necessary when engaging in naptime? Or perhaps better said, why do I really need to put pants on when I wale up in the morning anyways? Turk the dog aka Carlos the rat, he never wears pants.See, if its ok for him.... Such in depth questions we olde phartes face! I personally do not care for the response that the war department gives to any of these questions. Enjoy the jokes. The postman Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the badest of the three.The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid "Hey, barmaid. Bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here". When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers.She was startled. The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, "Hey, bitch bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it".Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers. The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan. The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid "Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry". Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table. The barmaid screamed "You aren't going to shoot that off are you?" "Hell no, I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself". A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" Vito and Juliana were having their usual battle of the sexes. "Italian men are all stupid," screamed Juliana. "Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!" "And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!" A couple were driving through the countryside in an old, beat-up Volkswagen. The fertile quiet of the scenery began to inspire some lascivious thoughts, so they decided to pull over to the side of the road and engage in a little love making. The girl quickly jumped out of the cramped car, stripped, lay spread-eagle on the lush, green grass, and waited. And waited. And waited... "Honey," she yelled, "if you don't get out of dat Volkswagen, I's won't be in the mood much longer!" "Baby," he lamented, "if I don't get out of the mood, I won't get out of this here Volkswagen!" ON THE WEB... the pirate http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0291.html people in Athens http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0292.html Snoopy says http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0293.html this is your spine http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0294.html deliscious http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0295.html how come http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0296.html my mother told me http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0297.html a man and woman were married for many years http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0298.html a blind man walks into a bar http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0299.html hit a turkey http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0300.html
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THE POSTMAN So, you can sleep in this morning! My favorite day of the whole year! In the old days, I used to send out little pictures and such to remind every one that daylight savings time ends today. These days tho, with self adjusting clocks and self adjusting phones, it is sortof a thing of the past. But some how, it feels good like you can pretend to sleep in for a hour, right? Who knows, maybe someday they will get smart and do away with the silly idea. THE POSTMAN Thomas and Tamara were attending a dinner party so that Thomas's mother could meet Tamara for the first time. Towards the end of the evening, Tamara approached Thomas and asked if there was a problem, as Thomas s mother seemed to be avoiding her after the introduction. "Honestly, my dear," Thomas said, "Mother finds you to be, how should I put it, a bit on the crude side." "Crude? Doesn't she know that I come from one of the most respected families in Boston? That I was educated in Europe? That I attended the finest finishing schools on the East Coast? That I attended Vassar, graduating Magna Cum Laude?" Tamara asked."Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that," Thomas replied. "Then where in the fuck does that bitch come off with all that crude bullshit?" She was so blonde... When she drove to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A. Because she blows the horn! Thorn was trying real hard to get the best-looking cheerleader in school to go out on a date with him. She finally agreed, but only on condition that he arrange a date for her best friend too. That was fine with Thorn, but when Friday night came around he hadn't been able to line anyone up so he asked his retarded brother Futhman if he would help him out. "Why sure," said Futhman, "but you know, I've never been out with a girl before." "No problem," said Thorn. "Just do everything I do." Off the four of them go to the drive-in, and when Thorn started kissing his date, Futhman followed suit. Soon Thorn had the cheerleader's bra undone, so Futhman undid his date's. Next, Thorn was feeling inside her panties, but when Futhman tried to follow suit, his date told him to quit. "Why?" asked Futhman, anxiously noting that his brother was getting quite a head start in the front seat. "I have my period," she said. "You're what?" "I'm bleeding down there," she explained, blushing. "This I gotta see," said Futhman. He turned on the headlights, dragged his date out in front of the car, and pulled down her pants. White-faced, he said, "Hell, I'd be bleeding too, if my dick were chopped off!" should I run http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0057.html 2 days ago http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0058.html Bill Clinton http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0059.html T rex http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0061.html Coffee http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0062.html looking good http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0063.html are you the guy http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0064.html empty the litter box http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0065.html your husband http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn04/rn0066.html
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welcome to: THE POSTMAN! Let me give a big shout out to my friend Doris. She was worried about me eating all that Halloween candy yesterday? Well, the war department conviscated all them bags of chocolate. (dummy me left the receipt in the bag) So she conviscated the stuff and gave it to our grand kids.So I live to entertain you for another day! I do feel sorry for the trick or treaters last night. Got nary a one: The weather was frightful as it dropped snowy white stuff on God's country here in beautiful West Michigan. OMG. winter is coming! Mark had an operation and was coming out of the ether. He looked at the two other patients in nearby beds and said, "Thank God that's over!" "Don't be too sure," said Benson in the next bed, "they left a sponge in me and had to cut me open again." Rankin in a bed on the other side of Mark added, "They had to open me up too, just to recover one of their instruments." Just then the doctor stuck his head in the door and called, "Anyone seen my cell phone?" Mark fainted. Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight? She wanted to get a dark tan. My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of other patients laughing. A woman was not feeling well so she visited her doctor. The good doctor, after giving her a thorough examination, said grimly, "Mrs. Goode, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot." "What!?! You mean my foot has to be amputated?" "Oh, no, no..." replied the good doctor, "I mean you have to lose a foot from around your waistline!" ON THE WEB _____________________________ not gonna work http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0280.html its sad http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0281.html in bed with his wife http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0283.html pain changes people http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0284.html little boy opens the bible http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0285.html the hunch back http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0286.html not sure http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0287.html I understand the phrase http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0288.html which is worse http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0289.html
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THE POSTMAN I am pretty sure that I will not be around for Halloween. I am planning to overdose on Halloween candy ...so hey. The truth of reality,right? it sux sometimes you know. Wife sent me in to the dollar store to buy trick or treat candy. Now why the heck would she send a fat man like me for something like that? I got one bag of life savers and 3 bags of the good stuff. Snickers, Reeses', M and Ms. I can tell you, she only knows about the lifesavers :) Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great flying broomstick?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful witch flew up on this broomstick. She threw the broomstick to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit A witch’s werewolf has a problem so he takes him to the vet’s. The vet looks at the werewolf and says that he’ll have to take him to the examining room. In the examining room, he takes a black cat out of a cage and lets the black cat walk all over the werewolf, but the werewolf doesn’t do anything. The doctor say “Your werwolf is dead.” The witch goes out to the receptionist and asks for her bill. “That’ll be $666” says the receptionist. “What! $666? How’s that possible?” “It’s $66 for the consultation, and $600 for the Cat scan.” A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker’s. “I’d like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,” said the monster. “Certainly, sir,” said the undertaker, “but there was really no need to bring him with you.” Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man! Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk! What do you call a cheesy halloween dance? The muenster mash! Why couldn't the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie. who texted this http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0273.html you're holding it wrong http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0274.html how does she go so fast http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0275.html that's chocolate http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0276.html family reunion http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0277.html local children http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0278.html hello, tech support? http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0279.html
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THE POSTMAN
THE POSTMAN PAGE! So I am glad every one likes the new page! You are receiving it because you are a subscriber to the postman's Corner! BTW, speaking of which, the message boards are saying that yahoogroups is down right now. Their servers are located in Santa Clara Calif. That is where the black outs of the wildfires are the strongest. Rumor has it that also is why you did not get the Corner page today! Hope you enjoy this page tho! Each page features different content, so you will want to be subscribed to both! BTW, let me know what you think. But send your comments to my martin7957 yahoo address, not to groups :) Martin aka the postman It had been a long, long day, and John the truck driver really wanted to just get home. Living in Washington D.C. he knew traffic would be bad this time of evening, but to his horror, a traffic jam reared ahead of him larger than anything he had ever seen before. Bewildered, since he hadn’t heard anything yet on the news, he stuck his head out and just kept seeing cars slowing down, stopping for a few moments, and then driving off. Suddenly, a man knocks on his window. John rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” The man says, “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress!” “Oh my gosh!” exclaimed John. “And they’re asking for a $100 million ransom.” “Jeez Louise!” moaned John “Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire!” “Lord have mercy! cried John. “We are going from car to car, collecting donations.” “How much is everyone giving, on average?” asked John. “About a gallon, maybe two. Depending on what you can afford.” A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching VERY large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doc used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz. Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello. Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly. Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask if you can use the bathroom. Mention that 'Mr Happy' is primed and ready. Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning. Recite a couple of bawdy limericks. Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their daughter. Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again. Pretend to eat your arm. Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So that when they're on the subway train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. TODAY ON THE WEB.... I'm ok http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0261.html stress http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0262.html electric bill http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0263.html that is sick http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0264.html my girl friend dumped me http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0266.html a new excersize routine http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0267.html universe give me a sign http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0268.html 3 great kings http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0269.html dear great pumpkin http://thepostmanscorner.net/tn10/sz0270.html
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welcome to: THE POSTMAN! So, this is my new ezine! its called THE POSTMAN! You are receiving it because you are a subscriber to THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! THE POSTMAN is a different ezine so I am sure that you will enjoy them both! Each has different content Do not reply to this email unless you wish to unsubscribe. Enjoy the jokes and toons. And be patient, this new groups.io stuff is a learning curve. so be patient with me! Martin aka the postman A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf, so, one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with.”He thought, “There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.” He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. The guy asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?” He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch.” Heart Warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eyes. URINE TEST A simplified urine test that may be relevant for us!!?? Go outside and pee in the garden. If ants gather:- diabetes. If you pee on your feet:- prostate. if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol. if when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis. if you return to your room with your penis outside your pants:- Alzheimer THINGS A MAN DOESN'T APPRECIATE BEING SAID WHEN A WOMAN IS LOOKING AT HIM NAKED 1. Why is God punishing me? 2. At least this won't take long. 3. I never saw one like that before. 4. But it still works, right? 5. It looks unused. 6. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 7. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 8. Are you cold? 9. If you get me real drunk first. 10. Is that an optical illusion? 11. What is that? 12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 13. Does it come with an air pump? 14. So this is why you're to judge people on personality. 15. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.
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