THE POSTMAN ​so on New Years eve, I went to the liquor store. She does not drink, would not take me, so I rode my bike. On the way home, I put the bottle on the bike and then thought, well what if I fall. So, I drank the whole bottle before I came home. Turned out to be a good decision, I fell several times on the way. ENJOY THE JOKES A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage.​ A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers," the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity."​"Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace.​"It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi.​"It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi. "I, too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?​ Brothers, we must take this to the Lord." They fell to their knees and began to pour out their hearts to the Almighty.​As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice said, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel..."​ ​​ To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students ...here is something to make you laugh.​Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.​After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "Don't."​"Don't what?" Adam replied.​ "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.​"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve ... we have forbidden fruit!"​ "No way!"​ "Yes, way!"​ "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.​ "Why?"​ "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).​ A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and was he ticked!​ "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked?​ "Uh huh," Adam replied.​ "Then why did you?" said the Father.​ "I don't know," said Eve.​ "She started it!" Adam said.​ "Did not!"​ "Did too!"​ "DID NOT!"​ Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. ​Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is reassurance in this story. ​If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what made you think it would be a piece of cake for you?​ ​​ Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."​You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.​Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.​ Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.​ I asked Mom if I was a gifted child ... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.​ The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.​ We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!​ Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.​ ​​ The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortnately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. ​The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today."​"Ca

THE POSTMAN So the holidays are over. We are back to the old routine. This is that time of year that we suffer the good old cabin fever thing. You know. we are all tired of sitting around for winter. We all are feeling regret over the extra pounds we gained this winter. So, what to do? I decided that I am gonna eat healthy this year! ENJOY THE JOKES Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"​ ​ One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ''Jesus is watching you!''while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who said that?!'' Once again he heard the same thing, ''Jesus is watching you!'' The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, ''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!'' The parrot said, ''The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!'' ​ ​ A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: ''No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!''​ ​ A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?' 'No, I'm not,' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.' 'Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun said. 'Just my sister in New Mexico,' he volunteered. 'But she's a humble spinster nun.' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God.' 'Wonderful,' said Smith. 'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.' ​ ​ What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo? On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.​ A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.​ irrisistable to men http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0296.html the company website http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0297.html complaint department http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0298.html another computer http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0299.html I got a computer http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0300.html computer froze http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0301.html this generation http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0302.html resolutions http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0303.html your greatest weakness http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0304.html Frosty http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0305.html cookies http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0306.html free ice cream http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0307.html dnew years resolution http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0308.html the electric bill http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0309.html your profile http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0310.html

THE POSTMAN OK So I hope every one has a happy holiday! I am gonna keep sending em out over there for THE POSTMAN'S CORNER as long as yahoogroups keeps cooperating. But I will take a little break here for THE POSTMAN. I will catch up with you after the holidays! MERRY CHRISTMAS! ENJOY THE JOKES After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror. ​ The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said 'who owns the big white horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, 'I do... Why?' The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, 'I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!' The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, 'Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.' Tonto said, 'Sure, Kemosabe' and took off running circles around Silver. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, 'Who owns that big white horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, 'I do, what's wrong with him this time?' The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, 'Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'.'​ ​ Two boys were arrested, one was drinking battery acid and one was eating fireworks. They charged one and let one off.​ ​​ A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: ''No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!''​ ​ A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?' 'No, I'm not,' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.' 'Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun said. 'Just my sister in New Mexico,' he volunteered. 'But she's a humble spinster nun.' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God.' 'Wonderful,' said Smith. 'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.' ​ ​ English class http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0281.html the turkey dinner http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0282.html have a look John http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0283.html stop avoiding me http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0284.html for senior beer drinkers http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0285.html wear a bra http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0286.html joy to the world http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0287.html help me http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0288.html Frosty is cold http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0289.html want it tight http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0290.html swearing is unattractive http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0291.html Noah and the unicorns http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0292.html wrong every time http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0293.html out of your league http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0294.html we got him a computer http

THE POSTMAN The war dept. and daughter were getting coats and boots on...so I ask "Where ya going?" "We are gonna go up to Aldi to the grocery store." "Well if you are gonna go there, pick up some chocolate donuts, the ones with sprinkles on em." "Just yesterday you were talking about how you wanted to make healthier choices. Donuts are NOT healthy." "Yes they are! Well, anyways, donuts are a lot healthier choice than a lot of things! For example, donuts are healthier than crystal meth." Women, they just don't understand! After failing to convince her of the better value of donuts, I said. "OK just get some donuts with no sprinkles then." You know, life is compromises, right? ENJOY THE JOKES "Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?" "It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."​ ​ This old man goes to the doctor's. ''Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long.'' ''So what's the problem?'' ''I can't remember where I live.''​ ​​ A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini." A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The​ income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked,​ and the air conditioning didn't work. People simply wouldn't​ come because of the heat. And the church didn't have the​ funds to pay for any repairs. The minister got a brilliant​ idea.​He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to​ cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain,​ swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a​ hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down​ the aisle and put $20 in the plate."​They did, and he had the church's roof fixed that week.​This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do​ it again. Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want​ everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the​ offering plate."​They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the​ parking lot redone.​His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid​ in a long time. I deserve a little money."​He started swinging his watch again, and he thought, "I​ deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve​ enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I​ deserve a lot more."​He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive,​ that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped​ from his grip, he yelled:​"Shit!"​ It took him two weeks to air out the church.​ diet coke cola http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0266.html the water is cold http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0267.html our collection letter http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0268.html boobs http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0269.html batteries http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0270.html thank you for this food http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0271.html the new chew toy http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0272.html give me a fish http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0273.html people http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0274.html Santa hires a consultant http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0275.html do you see the person http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0276.html the employment agency http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0277.html my old girlfriends house http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0278.html reindeer fly http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0279.html booking Uber http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0280.html

THE POSTMAN I must tell you. There are some really stupid things going on in this world. Take for example, the decision to stop teaching cursive to our children. Do you realize how traumatic that is going to be on our male millennial children? They will never be able to write their names in the snow when they pee! Look at the mental break downs that will cause! ENJOY THE JOKES An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile asked, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers asked why. The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."​ ​ A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices this and asks, ''Is your date running late?'' ''No,'' he replies, ''Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'' The intrigued woman says, ''A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'' Bond explains, '' It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'' The lady says, ''What's it telling you now?'' ''Well, it says you're not wearing any panties....'' The woman giggles and replies, ''Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties.'' Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, ''Bloody thing's an hour fast.''​ ​ During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so he the German doctor amputated his arm. He had a request that they would drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did. Then next week they amputated his other arm and he asked for the same thing. So the Germans did. The next week they amputated his leg and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England. The German doctor replied, Nein, Ve do dis no more! The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, Ve tink you trying to escape!​ ​ The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, ''Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?'' After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, ' 'I guess you'd be eating alone.''​ ​ ​ drunk http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0251.html this old http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0252.html dominated http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0253.html bed ridden http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0254.html I want to marry http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0255.html the maxi pad and the fart http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0256.html engagement photo http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0257.html you are the first http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0258.html the sex is so good http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0259.html the interview http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0260.html before and after http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0261.html bought this ring http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0262.html Jack and Jill http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0263.html Ethel came on the bus http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0264.html the shoe shop burglary http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0265.html

THE POSTMAN It is that time of year. Everybody is asking me Dad what do you want for Christmas? Well, its not that I am a scrooge, really. Altho I have been accused of such. But there is one thing that really bugs me about this holiday. See, I can't answer that question, since I can never think of anything I want for a Christmas present. That is the thing, its not that you have every thing you want actually. The truth is, I have learned how to be happy with every thing I have. If the world could figure that out, I think it would be a lot happier place. ENJOY THE JOKES A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want." He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages. His wife was a little pissed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right." ​ A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, 'Please help me!' 'Sorry,' he replied, 'it's not my table.' ​ ​ Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, ''So what's bothering you, dear?'' She says, ' 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'' The priest says, ''Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'' She says, ''That he did, Father... ''The priest says, ''What did he ask, Mary?'' She says, ''He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun...''. ​ ​ Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster. When a young man stepped out the door, a group of officers pounced, cuffing him and hustling him into a squad car. Seeing my astonished frozen expression, one cop came over and said, "When they say the movie is due by noon the next day... they mean it!" ​ ​ A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"​ ​ put those back http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0236.html Santa got my list http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0237.html ain't no sunshine http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0238.html when I have kids http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0239.html Marley's ghost http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0240.html makin lemonade http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0241.html not a mechanic http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0242.html read it again http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0243.html hold on http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0244.html my hobbies http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0245.html the nativity http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0246.html the problem with renewable energy http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0247.html Shaggy says http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0248.html snowblowers http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0249.html a green smoothie http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0250.html

THE POSTMAN Funny how fears change right? What are adults afraid of? well, death, and sickness,right? As a young man, some of us remember being afraid of being drafted, right? How about being alone? The list goes on does it not? Fears are different when you are a kid. The unknown can conjure up all kinds of things to be afraid of, and if you have only lived a few years, the world is a big place, right? Funny thing, I remember when I was a kid I was scared to turn out the light. Now as an adult, I get my electric bill, and then I am scared to turn on the light! Go figger. ENJOY THE JOKES A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I​ want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains​ cremated."​"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your​ ashes?"​The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to​ the Inland Revenue and write on the envelope, " Now you have everything.'" ​ ​ Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting​ goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little​ perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty​ blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily​ greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today​ before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do​ his thing.​Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling,​ "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new​ Mercedes!"​"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"​ "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license​ plate number!"​ Q: Why don't blondes like anal sex? A: They don't like their brains being screwed with. A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest​ tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying​ "you do God's work."​The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the​ door to his shop.​ A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again​ the barber refused payment saying "you protect the public."​ The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the​ door to his shop.​A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the​ barber refused payment saying "you serve the justice​ system."​The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting​ for a haircut.​ ​ wake up in the morning http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0191.html if you are worried http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0192.html center of attention http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0193.html spare parts http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0194.html update password http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0195.html men don't grow up http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0196.html dryer sheets http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0197.html a multipurpose tool http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0198.html arguing with a woman http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0199.html a dna kit http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0200.html you don't love me http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0201.html bad kitty http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0202.html for sale http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0203.html star bucks http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0204.html a success http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0205.html

THE POSTMAN So I am in the habit of rewarding Turk the dog aka Carlos right when he does his business, right? He comes in from outside and he knows the scoop. Treats are kept on top of the fridge, and he comes in and parks himself there, looking up, licking his chops. So the other day, there were a few potato chips on the kitchen table. So, instead of a "treat" I threw a handful of chips on the floor thinking he would like the change. He did, in fact, wolf them all down quickly. But after they are gone, I look and there he is, staring up at the fridge, still licking his chops. The look on his face, "Ok fat boy, the chips were good, but I wanna have a proper treat" Gotta love dogs:) ENJOY THE JOKES In the middle of his sermon, the visiting Minster stopped, and called one of the ushers. He pointed to a man in the 5th row.​ "That man is sound asleep, go and wake him."​ The usher shook his head and said, "Wake him yourself, you put him​ to sleep!"​ ​​ A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a (ok)​ lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost​ 230,000 miles on it.​ One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with​ at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility​ to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."​ "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only​ sell the car."​ "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend​ of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and​ he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore​ trying to sell your car."​ The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the​ mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the​ blonde, "Did you sell your car?"​ "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000​ miles on it!"​ ​​ Norman and his blonde wife live in Maryland One winter morning while​ listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to​ have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even​ numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."​ Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are​ eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5​ inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side​ of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes​ out and moves her car again.​ The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio​ announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You​ must park...........", then the electric power goes out.​ Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Norman says,​ "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"​ ​​ A blonde's car breaks down on the M25 one day.​ So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.​ She carefully steps out of the car and opens the boot.​ Out of the boot jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the​ vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their​ coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...​ Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this motorway ​ occurs.​It's not very long before a police car shows up.​ The copper, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle​ yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"​ "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts​ doing here by the road?" asks the old bill.​ And she said "Those are my emergency flashers!"​ ​​ A blonde is on a four-engine plane. All of a sudden there's​ a loud bang. The pilot comes on the radio and says, "I'm​ sorry, our first engine has just shut off. We'll be delayed​ 45 minutes."​Then there's another bang. Once again, the radio comes on​ and the pilot says the same thing except that the second​ engine shut down and that they'll be delayed nearly two hours.​ After that, the third engine shuts off and the pilot tells​ the passengers that they will be delayed 3 hours. The​ blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man,​ if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all

THE POSTMAN I have a new "skinny" program. It is not really a diet. It is called cookie aversion therapy. See, the idea is to eat cookies and eat them and eat them until you eat so much of them you create an aversion to them. I will let you know how it works out...so far, I am on year number 10. So I am still in the testing phase. ENJOY THE JOKES A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. ​ His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" ​ "But why?" asks the man. ​ "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies ​ ​What did the post card from the blonde say? ​ "Having a good time. Where am I?" ​ ​​ There once was a young man named Eugene​ Who invented a screwing machine​ Concave and convex​ It served either sex​ And it played with itself in between. ​ This hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a box of condoms.​ ​The druggist says, "How old are you, son?"​ ​The kid replies, "Eleven."​ ​"I can't sell you any condoms," the druggist says. "You're too young."​ ​The kid says, "Gimme some rubbers or I'll call a cop."​ ​"All right, cool it," the druggists says to the kid. "What kind of condoms do you want?"​ ​The kid tells him, "Gimme the French ticklers."​ ​The druggist says, "Listen, kid. Do you know what one of those things will do to a woman?"​ ​"No," the kid replies, "but I hear they make a sheep jump pretty high!"​ ​ hiding the tuna http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0146.html she needs a break http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0147.html ​ ​women are like a parking spot ​http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0148.html ​ its a whopper ​http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0149.html buttdialing http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0150.html I want a ring http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0151.html in front of her http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0152.html on the sofa http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0153.html you paid for an hour http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0154.html a legend http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0155.html pooping with the door open http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0156.html when its raining http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0157.html money for bigger tits http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0158.html

THE POSTMAN In light of the sad state of affairs of yesterday's "Black Friday" event, The Postman is sponsoring a collection. Please send me your contributions ASAP! We need to collect them as quickly as possible so we can keep next Friday from being a black Friday like yesterday! Plz folks send me your money so the postman can keep the lights on! ENJOY THE JOKES!!! A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.​Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."​"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."​"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"​"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'​ "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing . "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"​ "Not everybody pays." A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, ''I see she caught you at it, too.'' ​ ​ An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?' 'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk. 'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening'. 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'​ ​ Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.​ "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"​ "Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."​ About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.​ "Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked. ​ "I took your advice."​ "Didn't you compliment her?"​ "Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."​ "It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.​ "Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment."​ "What did you say?"​ "For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."​ the human slave http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0131.html whatever it is http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0133.html Willy http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0134.html God was unaware http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0135.html a half sister http://th

THE POSTMAN So, T day is over. Our two youngest still live with us, so it was just us and our oldest daughter and her hubby and the 2 grands they came over yesterday. But the war dept and my 2 daughters did fabulously with a feast that got no complaints from me and son.They did so well they needed no supervision from yours truly whatsoever! Imagine that! Altho the war dept. did in fact, listen to one of my suggestions. Instead of the traditional bird, she fixed a roast style smoked turkey that tasted wonderful.!! Served it up sortof like a breakfast steak. You wudda thought you were eating ham Wonderful. Thanks girls! Enjoy the jokes! A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. ​The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asked her mother, "Mummy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" ​ To which the mother replied, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." ​ The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turned to the mother and said, "Aw, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth, for crying out loud! They're hookers!" ​ A brief period of silence followed, and the daughter then asked, \"Mummy, do the ladies have any children?" ​ The mother replied, "Of course, dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?" ​ Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. ​ They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. ​ En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. ​ Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" ​ The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ​ A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" ​ "I'm a fireman," his old friend replies. ​ "Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy. ​ "Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the basement ​ so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." ​ Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. ​ "Well, did your son become a fireman?" ​ "No," says the guy, "but I have two daughters who are dancers." ​ The father was very proud when his son went off to college. ​ He came to tour the school on Parents' Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. ​ "What are you working on?" he asked.​ "A universal solvent," explained the son, " a solvent that'll dissolve anything."​ The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, "What'll you keep it in?" ​ ​ ​Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor? She thought it was a pregnant because it was missing a period. ​ ​ for here or to go http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0116.html a suspicion http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0117.html where did you get it http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0118.html goes through changes http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0119.html it worked http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0120.html light came on http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0121.html been watching you http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0122.html a T rex http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0123.html don't threaten me http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0124.html a pornstar told me http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0125.html your side chick http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0126.html I'm just gonna http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0127.html Math for dummies http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0128.html

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! THE POSTMAN SAYS You know, someone told me that I should be doing something constructive. Being its the holiday season, I should try helping out. Maybe like I should volunteer my time? But what should I do? I know, like people get together for Toys for tots and donate used toys to kids, right? Maybe we could start collecting used dildos. We could give them away to poor women and we could call it toys for twats? OK, so maybe I'll stick to telling jokes. ENJOY THE JOKES An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?" The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?" The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad." The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard." ​A preacher became frustrated that a large part of his congregation was going water skiing on Sunday rather than coming to church, so he told his wife, "This coming Sunday, I'm going to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sunday." ​ "What?" she exclaimed. "That's a silly thing to preach about." ​ "I don't think so," he said. "It's a problem we need to address." ​ The next Sunday as they were driving to church, the wife asked her preacher husband somewhat warily about the day's sermon topic. ​ As I told you," he said, "I'm going to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sundays." ​ "That's idiotic!" the wife retorted. "First of all, it's a dumb topic for a sermon, and second, the people who need to hear it most won't be in church. Why don't you preach about sex or something most people are interested in?" ​"No. The Lord wants me to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sundays, and that's what I'm preaching about," he said firmly. ​His wife said, "Well, I'm not going to sit through a boring sermon like that. I'm staying in the car. You can tell the congregation I'm sick or something." And she stayed in the car. ​ As the preacher walked from the car to his study at the church, he got to thinking that perhaps his wife had a valid point, so he changed his mind and gave a brilliant extemporaneous sermon on the proper role of sex in modern society. ​When the service was over, one of the parishioners stopped by the preacher's car and remarked to the pastor's wife, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well this morning. "Your husband gave the finest sermon today that he's ever given since coming to this parish."​ "Hmmmpf. I don't know why he thinks he's such an expert on the subject," his wife snapped. "He's only tried it twice, and he fell off both times." ​ Three priests are chatting when the first priest says he's going to give up red meat for lent. The second priest thinks for a minute and says he's going to give up sweets for Lent. The third priest's attention had wandered to a passing woman wearing 4 inch heels and a tiny skirt when the first priest asks him what he was going to give up for lent. After regaining control of himself he returns to the conversation and replies, 'Celibacy.' ​ ​ The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand. 'And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?' 'Yes,' she answered. 'Come to think of it... there was just a mo

THE POSTMAN When I was a teenager, disco came out, and I gave up on rock n roll in favor of country music. Obviously, I prefer a more classic country music, you know, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, etc? I have never been a big fan of folks like Dan and Shay. Now if you are not familiar, they have been burning the country charts like crazy of late. In particular, one song, '10 thousand hrs', has been going strong ... and I just realized, You know they have Justin Beiber doing the vocals on that one? Yep, Justin is on the Country charts these days!!!! 3 thoughts: #1 I am pretty sure old #2 Willie is rolling over in his grave right now #3 Maybe I should reconsider disco? ENJOY THE JOKES A husband asks his wife, 'If I should die first would you marry again?' 'I would be heart-broken, of course,' was her reply, 'but I think eventually I would remarry.' 'But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?' 'Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it.' 'But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?' 'Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away.' 'Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?' 'Of course not! He's left-handed!' Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please". The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."​ A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, and who's lucky number is 5, receives a phone call from a friend. The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.55 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5. Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.​ One summer day a man came home early from work and was greeted by his wife dressed in very sexy lingerie and heels. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So, he tied her up and went fishing.​ A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and requests a $5,000 dollar loan for an upcoming trip out of the country. The bank agrees but tells her she must give them some collateral before they give her the money. "No problem. Here's the title to my Rolls Royce, it's parked out front." The bank gladly excepts and gives her the loan. As the blonde is leaving they all joke about how she left such an expensive car as collateral for such a small bank loan. After a week had passed the blonde returns to the bank to repay the loan and the interest. The interest came out to be $17.53. The loan officer asks her "Miss, why did you need the $5,000? We checked into your account and saw that you are a very wealthy l

THE POSTMAN So how many of you all are out there excersizing? Most folks on this list are probably "boomers". So given that, there is probably a good chunk of you that have them medicare advanta plans? That would mean a big bunch of you probably have a gym membership? (For the benefit of my international readers, that type of insurance automatically gives you membership to one.) How is that working out for you? Me, I think I need to find another gym. I want to find one where you can just drop your body off and come back and pick it up when you are done. EN JOY THE JOKES! Q: Why do so many brides get crow's feet as soon as they are married? A: From squinting and saying: "Suck what?" Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.​ Two men were in the pub discussing their latest sexual conquests.​ The first man says he picked up this girl last week and they agreed to go back to his house and have sex.​ Once in the house the girl stripped off her clothes, lay down on the bed with legs apart and panted, "I want you to give me twelve inches and make me bleed."​ The second man not for one moment believed his friend was that well-hung, asked what he did.​ "Well" he says, "What could I do - I laid her twice and smacked her in the face!" ​ Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.​ Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.​ "Quick, quick", shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do"?​ "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination". says Sister Helen .​ Sister Marilyn switches the wipers on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.​ "Now what"? shouts Sister Marilyn.​ "Show him your cross", says Sister Helen.​ "Now you're talking", says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts..... "GET THE FUCK OFF THE CAR!!!!!!!"​​ Two hookers were on a street corner.​ They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said,​ "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."​ The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."​ Top 10 things a man would do if he woke up in the morning with a Vagina: ​ 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. ​ 9. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half. ​ 8. See if they could finally do a split. ​ 7. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. ​ 6. Get picked up in a bar in less that 10 minutes ​ 5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more ​ without sleeping first. ​ 4. Go to the gyno and ask to have the examination recorded on video. ​ 3. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too. ​ 2. Actually catch a buzz off 1 wine cooler. ​ And the # 1 thing a man would do is: ​ 1. Finally find that damn G-spot. ​ when two idiots meet http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0081.html she unlocked your phone http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0082.html a lot of running around http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0083.html my advice http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0084.html only old people know http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0085.html the victim http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0086.html the bottom line http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0087.html a bridge http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0088.html the bright side http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0089.html nothing like it http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0090.html

THE POSTMAN So, I am going down the road, and I counted. In the space of about 5 miles, I see 3 people using their phone while driving. And one was texting! Truly amazes me ! What could possibly be so important that it cannot wait until you get where you are going and call someone back? Or are you scared you may die before you get a chance to do so? Maybe just keep texting while driving ...and that will happen.I do not text and use my phone while driving. I need my hands free so I can make rude gestures at rude people when they are not paying attention. ENJOY THE JOKES A very thirsty man goes into a bar. ​ As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo." ​ The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. ​ Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too." ​ The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink. ​ "Hey," he says, "this isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" ​ The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water.! ​ Right, Lou?" ​ Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. ​ A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?" The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?" ​ ​ ​'Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!' 'Oh, it was my wife's idea.' 'Your wife?' 'Yeah,' answers Ted, 'She thought I should spend more time with the kids.' A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray...'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto.' Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays...'God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.' Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays...'My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order.' Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself...'Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket'​ Son: ''Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'' ​ Dad: ''Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.''​ Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised? ​A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.​ ON THE WEB gimme all your money http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0066.html ​the ATM http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0067.html not here http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0068.html ​ ​you need a boarding pass ​http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0069.html ​ ​rescue ​http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0070.html Betcha http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0071.html I'm sorry sir ​​http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0072.html books for dummies http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0073.html boot it http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0074.html really a bore http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0075.html

THE POSTMAN So you have heard of the latest restaurant trend? Called "dark kitchens"? The latest is to do away with dining rooms, cash registers and tables. This is due to a sudden explosion of delivery aps, such as Ueber eats and etc. Back in the day, as a family, when ours were little, we all enjoyed going out on a Friday night to someplace like Burger King... we all consumed a meal together. Apparently today's families do not seem to appreciate the value of such an activity. Seems as if times have changed. I somehow got old. Enjoy the jokes! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ There was a husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog for a nice long walk each evening. ​It was good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the dog became so used to the routine that it positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night. ​ When her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out instead. ​ To her surprise the dog pulled vigorously at the leash and led her around the block to a house around the corner and began to scratch at the door. ​ A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute, darling." ​ Soon, the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog dashed in straight to a dish of meat that was waiting for him -- obviously as usual. ​ ​ Three old guy friends were chatting late into the night and eventually they went to sleep along side to each other. Morning came! ​The guy who slept next to the window was awaken by the morning sun and said, "Gee, I had a great wet dream last night. I dreamt of this young and beautiful lady and she was jerking me off all night."​The guy who slept on the other side said, "That's funny, I had a similar dream last night. I dreamt of the beach in Hawaii. I met a beautiful blond and she was giving me the best hand-job ever!" ​ The guy who slept in the middle was awaken by the conversation. ​ "Morning guys", he said. "Did you guys sleep well? I sure did. I dreamt of the time where we all went downhill skiing in the mountains. It was great!"​ There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.'' But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.​ My Blonde sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream." ​ My sister went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?" ​ A very conservative doctor was consulted by an older man who wasn't feeling very well. ​ After a thorough medical checkup, the doctor said, "Mr. Kramer, I can't find anything specifically wrong with you. I have only one suggestion...that you...eh, eh... give up some of your love life." ​ There was a long pause, and then Mr. Kramer said, "O.K., Doc. But which half should I give up: thinking about it or talking about it?" ​ This morning I was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly for no discernible reason he confided in me that he "hadn't seen his thing in 15 years". ​ Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, ​ I said, "Why don't you diet?" ​ Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said, "Dye it? What color is it now?" ​ ​​ ON THE WEB pansexual http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0051.html dominated http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0052.html the craps table http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0054.html the time of your life http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0055.ht

THE POSTMAN So, the weather is colder, stay inside to watch more tv and stuff, right? This time of year, I turn to my shows on Amazon. Jack Ryan, Bosch, Goliath, and a couple others. (Got every cable channel there is, 300 or so, plus all them movie channels that they offer, and can't find anything to watch) Somehow I find more to watch on Prime than on Xfinity or Netflix. I save up the episodes and then binge watch as I look out the window and think, I don't want to go anywhere today. But then I remember, all I do is sit and watch my tv shows and look out the window anyways. Does it really matter if it is cold out there? I ain't going no where anyhow. Enjoy the jokes! ​Q. Why did the blonde secretary cut off her finger? A. She wanted to write shorthand ​ For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. 'I'm the lifeguard,' he replied matter-of-factly. 'I can't get out until you do.' ​ One of my friends was sitting at the bar and complaining to the sweet young thing working there, "Yesterday, I thought I'd solved all my problems. ​ I thought I'd found a quick way to forget my mother-in-law. I came here and got drunk." ​ "Did it work?", she giggled. ​ He moaned, "No, cuz when I got home I found two of her waiting." ​ ​​ Some days when I look out my window, the sheer boundless beauty of nature amazes me. Her rolling hills, her scenic valleys and her gently undulating grasslands fill me with awe and pleasure. On other days, though, my does- yoga-in-the-nude neighbor has her shades down.​ ​ Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is.' 'Of course I do,' he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. 'First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!' she exclaimed. 'I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!'​ ON THE WEB hey baby http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0036.html baby on board http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0037.html the back door http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0038.html in the mood http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0039.html what's the point http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0040.html come down here http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0041.html somehow somewhere http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0042.html Halloween is over http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0043.html get a handle on life http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0044.html too much Ram http://thepostmanscorner.net/gmp04/abc0045.html